can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize