why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
