I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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