He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
