i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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