Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
