I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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