i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
