We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
