What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
