Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
