I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
