Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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