this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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