Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
NoShamevember. You game?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
