Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
