I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the condom got lost in my hair
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
