So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
