Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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