All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think a kid would responsible me up
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
