I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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