I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
