my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
