We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
