When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
