This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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