Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
