Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
