the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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