We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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