Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
