I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
