Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
