i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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