she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
