glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
