just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
