Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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