whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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