Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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