He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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