no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
