a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
