you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
