i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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