Swine flu. Run for my life!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
