i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
