my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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