so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
FUCK WHALES
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
