Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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