someone threw a dead crab at me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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