I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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