If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
