It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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