writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
