She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
