I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do vagina's smell?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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