my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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