No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So much Jack, so little girl.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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