I'm going to jail i love you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
