Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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