I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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