I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
