My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
