better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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