You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
