I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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