mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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